Weak, witless and without any charm.

As if my day couldn’t get any more depressing, I am listening to a German heavy metal album. Not power metal, not symphonic metal, not even prog metal. Majesty are one of those bands who looked at posters of Manowar back in the 80s when they were kids and thought “Awesome!” They probably scorn keyboards and use phrases like ‘death to false metal’. Excuse me whilst I try to contain my excitement.

In truth, I am not an anti heavy metal chap, as it can be tremendously entertaining, powerful and moving when done right. What I dislike is by the numbers bargain bucket dross with lyrics that read like poems from a teenager who reads too much Tolkein. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. Add to that a weak production and you basically have the new Majesty album.

Seriously, I can’t listen to the likes of ‘Metalliator’, (he’s a ‘Servant of Steel’ I shit you not!) without wondering if this is some bizarre plot to make up for losing the odd war or two. Weak, witless and without any charm, ‘Thunder Rider’ (he’s a ‘Son of Destiny’ don’tcha know) is why people make fun of heavy metal.

Alan Holloway